Fifty + Years Loneliness (!!!)

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Hard but true.

You might be surprised to see I’ve titled this with three Exclamation Marks instead of Nombre 3. I just wanted to show how I feel! 😁

I have mentioned, as I had a look back on the latest two chapters, that I have really a problem to write this story, my life story. I have known it as I read them, again and again, I’ve just thought: “what the hell; this man has a problem!! ” πŸ˜›

You know, I have learned in my life to get out of me, stay beside and look at myself as another person, I think it helps to get knowing oneself better and here I found this memorandum somehow poor. Here I must really thank you, dearest and adorable friends, despite all these poorness did support them. I am deeply grateful and appreciated.

As I might take the advantage of your kindness, let me analyse why I have such a problem with this story; since I got known psychology through Sigmund Freud, I have found out that I have many complexes in my life; When our mother lied us about father’s death, my unconsciousness knew there’s something wrong as I remember Al, who somehow got it clearly, tried to help mother’s secret on one side and to stop me not putting so many questions there all about, dear brother. I have found it out after some months later when I looked into the old magazine and saw the memorial ceremonies of the funeral which took place after father died (he was a famous writer in his time) and I asked her about the matter, her answer was just “get out and let me alone!” I went out, and of course, she came after me and we’ve taken us in arms wept together.

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But these all have remained in my inner soul like deep tracks which I had to work with them, as I am still working on.

It’s surely a big problem but to this comes my inexperiences on writing too and also, two foreign languages which I have to struggle with; English and German. You know, I have learned both by myself; Al and I have learned English at home in Iran when we both began to work as a journalist and when we came in Germany, I’ve noticed that no matter if I can live and communicate in English with people I must learn German to better understand and be understood, therefore, bought some grammar books and did it myself! Now when I begin to think or write in English, both languages mixed up together; I am living here in Germany since 1985 and I speak, think, dream in German and when I want to switch into English, the conversant words for me are mostly German words; I have to translate them in English in my head! If you might notice in the last chapter, I’d written in the title; “Fufty” + Loneliness (2) It is just a mixed-up Fifty in English and FΓΌnfzig in German!!

Here is an example by Master Dr Freud πŸ˜‰πŸ˜„

4 in German, is vier (sounds fear) and 6 sounds sex!

You might ask why I don’t write in German, and I might answer; I have the English language almost in my blood, maybe because since my childhood I’m listening to the English music and to be honest; writing in German is not so easy as the German believe in by themselves. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, I wondered how many mistakes I’ve made, not only because of the languages but also my extremely humbleness plus a lot of excitement cause of lack of self-confidence.

Therefore, I dicided to make a stop to write about my life, I am sure I will back on this soon, thank you all again and again for your wounderful, inspiring suports and kind words. Blessing πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ™

9 thoughts on “Fifty + Years Loneliness (!!!)

  1. That you speak, write and dream in three different languages Aladin is simply incredible! I have only the English language, no other. I enjoyed your honesty and openness in today’s part !!! of your Fifty + Loneliness family story and look forward to the next part when you’re ready.

    It was good to read that you and your mother finally had that conversation and the secret was out. Thank goodness! Psychology and mythology seem to have been a part of your life for a long time now, and I can see that by the posts you share here. Hope you’re weekend is going well. Blessings always, Deborah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I thank you, Deborah, I thank you for your every single letter to give me so much power, again and again, I must just think about; how long do we know each other? Thousands of millions of years I would say! I do keep my relation stayed to you my lovely and lovely friend. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Alaedin, i reckon that if a person can communicate in 3 langauges then it may well influence one’s way of feeling and thinking as well? I don;t know but I imagine that would be of benefit to the individual ie you.

    Secrets are hard to bear. Poor Al, trying to keep both sides β€˜happy’ while you knew something was off. Glad that the truth came out and you know how your father died. Amazing that you found that out by seeing him in a magazine.

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    • Oh my dear Susan, your words do a lot good to me 😊 yes it was good that I’ve found out my father’s death though, it had weakened my self confidence. Therefore, I kept analysing my inner fear to understand this purpose. It is very hard to be your own psychologist πŸ˜›πŸ˜‡ anyway, as I wrote; my father was a famous writer in his time and as the Muslims celebrate their dead at least twice in the first year ; the seventh day and the 40th day, I could discover it in the newspapers. I thank you for your kindness and support and I hope you and yours will stay safe πŸ™β€β€πŸ™

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