Desperate or might Frantic sometimes!


Or I might dare…

http://Rena Pollak, LMFT, CGP

You might call it; an inconceivable or an unusual concept, as I try to write something which weighs heavily on my heart.
I am, as I have found out newly, for about eight years in this platform. I have about over 650 followers, I’d say wow, but I don’t!

Let me tell you the purpose of this post: First, it is an old post which I had written once but sent it resting in my drafts section. The reason why was that I found it a little bit raw because, when I wrote it, I felt somehow hurt and maybe too emotional. Therefore, I didn’t share it instantly.

And now, my adorable friend Deborah Gregory had made a point in her comment on one of my posts: “A word of nostalgia” She had interpreted my dream in a very fascinating way, and it made me think about myself, and what I try to definite my efforts all in my life.

I am a perfectionist, without a doubt. It is not good at all, as I once talked to a psychologist coincidentally when I had him in my taxi bring to the train station. He told me that I had to stop it. He’s right though, you know, I had a lot of versions in my life. I had to change many variations as the situations changed, and I think it was my power of surviving or keep the existence of my intellectual-being. Of course, it is a long story which I will be back on it again.

Let’s back to my dream. I don’t want to get into the details if you might take a look at that, but the main thing was about a break, and Deborah put a question, which made me thinking: if I need a break. And I could shout at her back: Yes! I need it, since I was born! But as a perfectionist, taking a break is very difficult. I noticed it as I found out about the death of my father and the secret of why! I am in a feeling, all through my life, that I miss something. Therefore, I must try it. The only thing which calms me is the last words of Leonardo Da Vinci in his dying bed: There are a lot of works unfinished! I might say them soon.

Sorry, please don’t be misunderstood. I feel like in heaven. I had never expected to be so acceptable, as an amateur, being welcome. The reason may be my modesty and humility, or my courage to share the good articles so easily and without fear in the media. With the fear, I mean defeating your own egoism and staying relaxed (apart from my ability to write, of course ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‚). But what actually disturbs me, is the smell of business, which is crowded everywhere and even here. I know; life is hard and we must try to make the best of it, but I am someone who never belongs to this kind of folk of business, no idea what is it; making money! Oh, of course, don’t compare me with “Harold Skimpole” from Bleak House, by Charles Dickens; I’d never say that. I have no idea what the money makes, I see it only to be spent and not be to kept.

Let’s make it short: I don’t like to sell “likes” or to buy “likes”! I know it is hard or even almost impossible to read and giving feedback to so many followers. (My followers are minimum in comparison to some friends here in WP. I have seen some of the great auteurs with over thousands of followers.)

I mean, it is nice to get some good critical feedback, which will encourage everyone. But we are not fooled either! I don’t know about you but I can feel and can’t ignore it when someone follows me without have even a short view on my works, or there are also a few who waiting until I like their works, and then they like mine back… Ridiculous! No other options. Believe me! It all makes me think. I might be too sensitive, but it is a sign of being an artist; isn’t it true? ๐Ÿ˜

‘I understand it’s not so great on the outside either.’

Of course, the best answer to all these is; Take it easy! I am happy to be here and very honoured to have such great Authors, Thinkers, Wise, with heartfelt souls as friends, who praise me and my littleness. It is an inspiration for me with a lot of gratitude.

You might have a look at this article: Here posted in here This may explain well, some situation of some peoples around. A well-done page, full of wit and satire and truth.

“Did you say ‘trick’? Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s just been one long, horrible trick.”

It is a fact without a doubt. But, I might be new in writing; (Al, my brother, was a professional writer,

24 thoughts on “Desperate or might Frantic sometimes!

  1. Dear Aladin,
    Firstly, I think the post youโ€™re referring to was actually last weeks titled โ€œThe Persian New Year, A New Century or the New Kingdomโ€ which I enjoyed greatly! Secondly, on the subject on followers and likes, Iโ€™ve seen authors here on WordPress with supposedly thousands of followers and yet no one ever comments on their blog โ€ฆ all the while hundreds of followers โ€œlikeโ€ the post.
    This โ€œlikingโ€ gesture means nothing to me and is the reason why I choose not to have a โ€œlikeโ€ button on my website because I donโ€™t want โ€œlikesโ€, I prefer engagement and connection. Even one meaningful sentence is better than a โ€œlikeโ€ to me. I even wrote a post about this topic a few years ago: which you might enjoy reading.
    On the same subject, Ellen Borggreve, a landscape photographer whose work I greatly admire recently wrote a powerful piece regarding her decision to, as she called it โ€œend the numbingโ€: Both are long reads so those who prefer to hit the like button wonโ€™t bother but those interested might hopefully find each essay insightful.
    โ€œSome may say Iโ€™m a dreamer โ€ฆ but Iโ€™m not the only one!โ€ You my dear friend have opened the eyes of many hearts by sharing your wonderful posts! Let me reassure you that taking a break now and then is a deeply restorative act of self-love in stark contrast to giving to others who give you nothing in return (or a few emojiโ€™s!) is downright painful. Break the pattern, break the perfectionism.
    A brilliant post, thank you for sharing! Love and light, Deborah.

    Liked by 3 people

    • First, the post I referred to, is the post about my dream and your interpretation. Second, you make a great job, and you understand what I’m talking about ๐Ÿ˜
      Your site is so or so absolutely insured. See, I’m already moaning ๐Ÿคฃ anyway, I am so glad that I didn’t screw it up again, and thank you my darling, for your support, you might never know how that meant to me โคโคโคโค

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The Whitechapel Whelk

    The ‘Like’ system is a frigging joke. We all know what goes on and we shall continue to give it hammer until our final inky breath – Ed.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ah, Aladin, you say that, but I love reading your posts. You should keep doing whatever makes you happy, even if it means “dancing with myself” as the song goes. And I wholeheartedly agree about the likes and what not. Actually, I haven’t tried to grow my blog traffic too much over the last years because I don’t want to be in a situation where I can’t keep up with comments. I have made some wonderful bloggy friends (you, for example) because of the ongoing connection through commenting on one another’s blogs and I was worried that if I had thousands upon thousands of followers I wouldn’t be able to continue with personal connections so for now, or until I become independently wealthy and don’t have to go to work each day, I’m happy doing what I’m doing at the pace I’m doing it. We all have to find our balance, right? I get thrown off when I spend too much time looking at someone else’s path and not my own and then thinking I’m doing something wrong. There is no right or wrong, only doing. Have a terrific day. ;0) xox

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You know I like to read your posts and I am also that many distribute likes without even knowing what the post is about. To tell you the whole truth, I must confess that, if an article is too long (I’m not speaking of yours) , I may skip a few passages.๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Elaine Mansfield

    Ah, the popularity contest of the writing life–plus the beginning of this post reminded me of my dance with depression, despair, not good enough energy. I’m happiest if I’m in that awful perfectionist place of needing to keep score when I see how many people actually read a post. That’s a truer measure–if we must measure.

    So far, I’ve been able to respond to anyone who comments on my post and I’ve developed meaningful relationships that way with you and Deborah and many more–often people from different backgrounds with their own honest perspective to teach me more and help me articulate my thoughts.

    Please take a break when you need to–or just post one blog a week? I took my break by going to every other week posting and then sharing something I wrote 5-8 years ago on alternate weeks. I feel less pressure now–and sometimes my posts are well received and sometimes they aren’t, and I can never guess which ones people will enjoy the most. Thanks for being there and putting out interesting content along with emotional honesty. Be well and safe.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My dear Elaine, I thank you for all your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I wrote this post because I had and still have a heavy heart. Though, it is not everything which I want to say. Maybe, because of my lack of English proficiency or my shyness to speak my suffer out of my soul. I have talked about Perfectionism. That’s what I have tried all through my life. It’s because of the trauma of my childhood.
      Once I will dare to write about it, but it’d not be so easy for me.
      Nevertheless, I thank you again and wish you and yours a happy Easter time.


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