A Foreword and Update!

Today (on Saturday!😮), I had to take my boss’s place, and I have just got back home, but I need to head out again soon!😜 I hadn’t planned to post anything but came across an old article I wrote years ago. So, I thought I’d share it with you before it goes stale. I hope you enjoy it somehow!🙏💖

Please don’t be shocked; this will not be an endless story! I have just a feeling that my last post about my yelping was, after all, too emotional and not clear enough.

To contemplate thereabout, I have to look at my past and review my life, but to avoid the immense length, I try to write it in a list form. First, I thank all my dear friends for their feedback, and especially among them, for their valuable suggestions.

My life is like a labyrinth; explaining this with my broken tongue (pen) is difficult.

1- It might be because of our mother’s lie to Al and me about our father’s death, which I had to carry for almost two months till I found it out by myself.

2- The next point is that Al and I were almost alone in our childhood. Our mother had to find a job to pay our father’s debt; though he was a famous writer and could be rich, he could never be a moneymaker. We had a big house with a broad yard, and you could imagine how frightening it would be for two children, nine & eleven-year-old to stay home in the evening, waiting for their mother to come home.

3- There, eternity loneliness develops, don’t you think? We have kept each other like the guardian angel, especially Al, because he was older than me, older in the year, and significantly older in mind.

4- The years passed, and we, Al and I, had made a wall to protect us. A wall, but not against our mother, a wall against the society in which we lived. That was a must, to avoid the stranger in our world. Oh yes, we have made a world just for us and nobody else. And it made us like foreigners in our own country.

5- It went all through our age of puberty, and there came the time of our mother’s death. She was married to another man then, and we (unfortunately) couldn’t accept him as a replacement for our father. Therefore, the wall grew taller and taller. The solitude casts our life.

6- We had a lot of experiences those days, so you might think twice about looking for people with walls around. I might tell you that in such countries under dictatorship and also the pressure of its traditions, the only way to escape to freedom is drugs. We had tried all possible and impossible stuff for many, many years. I can be proud to announce that I had all the drops in my veins, and now I am free of all.

7- Now about me: I have learned from my parents’ way of life that there had to be a genius to live with (in the form of a Couple. Two genius to live together… I don’t think that it might be advisable. I felt so because I had noticed how genius Al was. Therefore, I dedicated all my energy to my brother Al because I was convinced of his ability to create art. In Iran, I worked to earn money, managed a house, and all that was needed. It was, for me, a matter of course, even in our addiction period. (I was the one who could get the stuff.)

8- In all these happenings, I have forgotten to find my own identity! I know many people out there want to show me how to find it, but please stop! You have no idea!! I noticed that people, especially these days, want to give advice. (That is always calming to show the way to others) Thank you so much, but I think I am too far to see further. I might not know where I am going, but I am on my way.

9- Just to keep it short, since I lost my brother to serve him, I had to find my identity and what I am good for: I could be a musician, I could be an actor, I remember, as I gave up to make music and worked as a taxi driver, Al told me; Hey, don’t you want to continue composing? Then try writing! I thought, oh god, writing… how can I do that! I know that he knew we were both the offspring of artists. Therefore, we had to do art!