A Short Clarification and an Update!

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First, I want to thank all my friends for their sympathy and compassion shown in my post before my surgery.

However, as I read it myself, I wasn’t sure my suffering might be misunderstood, leading everyone to think I was yowling due to physical pain. I need to mention that I wrote about my soul’s suffering! To put it bluntly, I was concerned about my kidneys, which were the primary focus for the doctors, and whether they would function or if I would need dialysis. Having transported many such patients to their therapy in my job, I know it is not a life worth living. Therefore, I would refuse any treatment like this and allow my own body to poison me to death. But I am not alone, and I can’t imagine how my family—wife, son, or grandchildren—could ever endure this tragedy.

Anyway, I’m past the surgery now and free from those horrible catheters. However, there is some uncertainty in my blood, which causes my blood levels to fluctuate. It seems I’m over the hill, though, and if these blood levels also stabilise, I’ll be over the rainbow!!

Finally, I will only let you preview one scene while I experienced it myself; surprisingly, this happened the day after I returned home.
When I came home the first day, I was utterly exhausted. I had something to eat and then slept. On the second day, my wife had to go to work, so I was alone, lying on the couch for a while. I noticed a lovely sunny evening on the terrace, and I decided to step outside and enjoy sitting on the bench in front of the garden.

As I listened to the silence of nature, I closed my eyes. Suddenly, something rushed into my mind—some memory, some dream—in which I had once wished to be free of those catheters, sitting on the bench at home. There, I began to cry! It surprised me because I have always found it challenging to cry, but this time, my tears flowed like a waterfall! At that moment, I understood how heavy my suffering was.

I am now trying to regain my energy, as I lost it entirely this year. I wish you all health and prosperity. 🙏

54 thoughts on “A Short Clarification and an Update!”

  1. I’m so pleased to hear you’re making good progress post surgery Aladin – we get sent these challenges in life and they can take us to all kinds of dark places but it seems like sitting out in nature has helped you to find understanding and healing. It sounds like things are looking up for you now and you’re on the path to recovery. Sending much love and light from both of us. ❤️😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much, dear Lin (and Deborah!). It was a difficult time for me, mainly due to the uncertainty and making decisions under the worst-case scenario. However, it is now time to begin repairing my soul.
      Sending my regards and best wishes.
      🙏🤗❤️❤️🌹🌹

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Jean Raffa's avatar Jean Raffa

    Thank you for this explanation, Aladin. I love your honesty with yourself and your willingness to share it. I have always found it hard to cry for myself too. It’s far easier to cry over the problems of others. I think moments like this when we allow ourselves to admit to our suffering are healing. I suspect pent up emotions can slow it down. Sending you love and best wishes for a speedy recovery. Jeanie

    Liked by 1 person

    • You caught the main point, my twin soul! (Or, the sister of my soul, as a friend of mine, who was the pastor and a master in sign language, always called me brother of her soul!). I have always had trouble not pent-up my sorrow. Nevertheless, I must learn to do so because, as you said, it helps to carry our griefs more lightly.
      Thank you for your kind and wise words, my dearest Jeanie.
      I am sending you a lot of love and gratitude.
      Always yours, Aladin. ❤️🤗🙏😘

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  4. I’m so sorry to hear about your health issues Aladin. I’m sending all my best wishes for a full recovery. I’ve been somewhat absent lately as I broke my rib at work and silly as it sounds that’s quite a long recovery process.
    take care of yourself dear friend. Thinking of you. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Take care of yourself, dear Aladin and try to recover your energy. 💖💖💖
    Enjoy what life offers us, even by getting emotional and crying (crying often does me a lot of good: it helps me to start again with more strength)

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  8. May it continue to go well!

    There are things they CAN do – amazing. It sounds as if you might have one of those. I understand all too well about lost years – you have my sympathy.

    REST. You can’t help the healing – it will happen. But you can interfere by being impatient. (I just noticed there’s ‘patient’ in ‘impatient.’ Huh.)

    R E S T!

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  10. Sometimes tears are cleansing and I’m so glad you allowed yourself to cry dear friend. From the pain physical and soul level the tears help to release all of that. I hope you will stick around for much longer. I do understand your agony and reluctance to do dialysis. Much love, strength and healing for your journey

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    • Your words, dear Athena, bring warmth and clarity to me. Since my mother passed away when I was eighteen, I have never cried like that again. I must remember this! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 🤗💖🙏🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Self-Compassion and grief are essential to healing. This is a good sign! You have endured much pain and hardship this year especially. My father overcame prostate cancer years ago. It was a difficult recovery. Allow time. Remain patient and compassionate toward yourself. Sending love and good energy❤️‍🩹🖖🙏

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    • I will take those good vibes heartily, mate. I am happy to know your father has successfully overcome his challenges. I am also relieved that my cancer test came back negative, though the kidneys were my nightmare.
      Patience is the key word, and I will learn it as Yoda (Jedi) wisely said, “Patience you must have, my young Padawan.”
      Sending immense gratitude, my friend.
      🙏🤗🖖👍

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  16. This is not an easy situation, my friend. My elderly father has kidney failure and we live in the expectation that at any moment the doctor will order dialysis. But I am sure that these moments of reflection and tears were a catharsis for the soul and will do you good. May good thoughts and healing be with you. Thank you for sharing with us! Have a blessed week!😉🙏🏻✨🧞‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh, Aladin, so glad you came out the other side! But I wanted to say that your dream or vision or recall about sitting on the bench was the reason you were sitting on the bench because you created your own reality. Now visualize your way to complete recovery! I am rooting for you! oxox

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