Stay by me; the strength of the memories πŸ’–


I was very happy, very. But as years went on, my dear boy would have wearied of his child-wife. He would have been more and more sensible of what was wanting in his home. She wouldn’t have improved. It is better as it is.

Oh, Dora, dearest, dearest,do not speak to me so. Every word seems a reproach!

I was reading from Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield as I sat at the bed where my brother Al was lying; almost in a coma, I could only hear he’s breathing. We were in a hospital in a small town and doctors told me that there’s no chance because the tumour in his head was very vicious and predominant. I had no choice just sitting there beside him and read from one of his favourites…

No, not a syllable! She answered, kissing me. “Oh, my dear, you never deserved it, and I love you far too well, to say a reproachful word to you, in earnest; it was all the merit I had, except being pretty– or you thought me so. Is it lonely, downstairs,Doady? “very! very!” Don’t cry! Is my chair there?In its old place.

Oh, how my poor boy cries! Hush, Hush! Now, make me one promise. I want to speak to Agnes. When you go downstairs, tell Agnes so, and send her up to me…….

“Agnes is downstairs when I go into the parlour, and I give her the message. She disappears, leaving me alone with Jip. His Chinese house is by the fire, and he lies within it, on his bed of flannel, querulously trying to sleep. The bright moon is high and clear. As I look out on the night my tears fall fast, and my undisciplined heart is chastened heavily, heavily.”

063.033 - Dora To Agnes. | Levy Music Collection
http://Lester S. Levy Sheet Music – Johns Hop

“I sit down by the fire, thinking with blind remorse of all those secret feelings I have nourished since my marriage, I think of every little trifle between me and Dora and feel the truth, that trifles make the sum of life. Ever rising from the sea of my remembrance, is the image of the dear child as I knew her first, graced by my young love, and by her own, with every fascination wherein such love is rich. Would it, indeed, have been better if we have loved each other as a boy and girl, and forgotten it? Undisciplined heart replayed!”

How the time wears, I know not; until I am recalled by my child-wife’s old companion (Jip) more restless than he was, he crawled out of his house, and looks at me, and wanders to the door and whines to go upstairs. “Not tonight Jip, not tonight!” He comes very slowly back to me, licks my hand and lifts his dim eyes to my face; “Oh Jip, it may be, never again!

“He lies down at my feet, stretched himself out as if to sleep, and with plaintive cry is dead… Oh Agnes! (she’s come down) Look, look here!”

“That face, so full of pity and of grief, that rain of tears, that awful mute appeal to me, that solemn hand upraised towards heaven! Agnes?”

“It’s over, darkness comes before my eyes, and for me a while, all things are blotted out of my remembrance.”

I began my tribute with a masterpiece from Dickens’ book not only because of its brilliance and impressive power of his literature but also for Al’s loved it so much and I add this as a present and am sure that he’d like it. I read this book the whole of the ten days in which we were both in this hospital till the time had come. At the end of the book, we were separated.

It’s thirteen years ago on this day as Al passed away and left this earth but strangely, I have a feeling that I have got much nearer to him as before. Am I closer to the line to change the level too? I don’t know but anyway, I am very happy about this closeness, it helps me to remember more and more about our time we were living and fighting together through those over fifty years of our life.

I wish you all you dear a leisure and peaceful weekend πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ’–

The pictures source:

http://A Useful Fiction –

http://The Victorian Web

Lester S. Levy Sheet Music – Johns Hop

16 thoughts on “Stay by me; the strength of the memories πŸ’–

  1. This is such a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to Al, your dearest beloved brother Aladdin. May his spirit rise and kiss you from beyond on this, the 13th anniversary of his death.

    That you read Dickens’s David Copperfield to him whilst he lay dying touches my heart deeply and to know that by the time you reached the end of the book you were separated.

    But not in all ways, for a fire built in your heart grew strong and the love between you pulls you eternally together. His book was amazing, I was deeply honoured to have read his words.

    Your post today is gently nudging me to re-read Dickens’s great masterpiece myself. I hope the day finds you well my dear friend. Thank you for sharing. Love and light, Deborah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your words dearest Deborah took my heart wholly. He’ll surely hear your praising on his book.
      And yes, this memory lingers deeply in my mind and heart. Thank you so much for your being there with me. Blessing πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ’–
      PS: rereading Dickens is always a good idea πŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. O my goodness Aladin what a wonderful tribute to Al, your beloved brother. 13 years … probably seems like yesterday as you remember him fondly. And to have read David Copperfield in those days to him and for him. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post. Have a graceful weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you heartily, my dear Chacuboo, it is true! It’s really hard to lose a sister/brother and it’s much harder when two have such a strong relationship as I got to mine. But your kind words surely calm my heard and give me strength. Take care πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  3. elainemansfield

    Such love and beauty, Aladin. I’m glad you loved your dear Al so and that he stays strongly with you. After 12 years, my beloved who took on all male archetypes in our 42 years together (husband, brother, father, teacher, child, lover, helper, helpless one) is strongly in my dreams at least once a week and so much part of me. I’m glad you feel your brother close and honor your love. Thank you for opening your heart and mine to love. Sending you a big virtual hug.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heartfelt thanks dearest Elaine, for your beautiful words. I can really feel how I am so close to your telling and the words about grief when I read your memories on your site. It gives always a great emotion when we talk or write about it. It’s a sense of love. take care and Blessing, Hugs πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ’–


    • Grazie mia cara Amica πŸ’“ you made me very happy for having a look at my stories, I am already in Crete, Greece and spending my latest holidays here. I hope you are well and wish you much better days 😊πŸ₯°
      PS; I have seen you have a new post, I must wait to read it at home on my PC, on my smartphone it’s not so pleasant πŸ€ͺπŸ€£πŸ™β€β€πŸ˜˜

      Liked by 1 person

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